Dependent Personality and Partner Illness

Separation Anxiety and Dependent Personality

By: THEODORE MILLON and

      Seth Grossman

      Carrie Millon

      Sarah Meagher

      Rowena Ramnath

The connection among aging, depression, and dependency is a burgeoning frontier of research.

The quality of life for many aging dependent personalities is complicated by the health status of the partner they have always relied on, in many cases for most of their life.

Dependents seek out those who are willing to face a cruel and uncertain world and make major life decisions for them. Their chosen protector, usually a spouse but sometimes a mother or father, provides structure and resources intended to shelter dependents from responsibility. Dependents are just along for the ride, so to speak. And that’s exactly how they prefer it.

What’s a dependent to do, however, when the all-powerful protector begins to succumb to the effects of aging?

Because age and stability usually go together, it is not uncommon for the protector to already be many years older. Eventually, the protector may require steady in-home care or even begin to develop a dementing illness, such as Alzheimer’s, eliminating his or her role as chief decision maker.

Because many families cannot afford round-the-clock nursing care, the burden often shifts to the dependent personality. A role-reversal may occur in which dependents are required to assume control of the family and take charge of financial and legal responsibilities. They may also be required to administer medications on a schedule, watch over the activities of the ailing partner, coordinate their partner’s day, or perform a series of medical chores in a routine program. As the illness worsens, dependents must take control of two lives, whereas previously, they sought to forfeit control of their own.

In a study examining the relationship between personality and caregiving, Alzheimer’s caregivers who were distressed were found to be six times more likely to possess dependent traits (J. T. Olin, Schneider, & Kaser-Boyd, 1996).

As the population of the United States continues to age, individuals with dependent traits can be expected to complicate an already troublesome crisis in health care.

References:

Personality Disorders in Modern Life, second edition, 2000, 2004 by John Wiley & Sons, Inc.

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